Sunday In-My-Head Day

I'm currently getting a little stir-crazy because sometimes I get into my own head too much.  It's that weird moment where you're sitting in the shower, having a nice relaxing time and your brain decides for some strange reason to jump to an incredibly embarrassing thing you've said or done.  So you sit there, water running down your back, and you get that distinctive awful chill accompanied with the sinking feeling of OH DEAR LORD HOW COULD I HAVE EVER DONE THAT.  Then you start to relax and hope that no one else ever remembers either (because most of the time the embarrassment is just in my head, right?).

So, to distract myself, I turned the handle to increase water temperature and decided to dive head first into my head.  You know, that sounded much better inside my head then right now.  Kind of like how when you read a book set in a country with a foreign accent and the narrator voice in your head talks in that accent.  Prime example being when I read Crime and Punishment was how everything said sounded like a gruff Russian man.  Occasionally if I read for too many hours and then actually talked, a little bit of Russian accent would sneak out.

"Teach that cat to shit in my garden..."

Let's veer back into what I was actually trying to get into.

My mind starts to get really off track, prime example above, so to distract myself from diving into a pool of self-loathing, I started to think of all the weird talents that I have.  Not things like "I can run marathons" or "I can hold a note for twelve and a half years" or "I can fit my fist into my mouth," but the weird things I think I have proficient skill in.  So here is my list (and no list would be complete without a picture of a 50's housewife cooking something).



Ryan's Completely Irrelevant Obscure Talents That Only Apply To Him and Are Only Being Used To Clear His Head As To Delay The Oncoming Insanity Down The Road List:

1. Ability to quickly memorize (and remember) the tune and lyrics to songs. Yes, I'm going to sing along in the car and I don't care if you like it or not.
2. Remembering people's names I meet once, only once, and never again.  The name stays forever.  People I meet multiple times?  Nope, out the window (mostly because I'm afraid I know it but I'm actually wrong, like Colton and Colter.)
3. A quick learner.  Not just quick as in I learn it in a week, I get that shit ingrained in a couple days.  Except math because math positively correlates with Satan.
4. Knowledge on how to properly launder different fabrics.
5. Only able to nap face-down and sleep face-up.
6. Liking animals.
7. I can fold better than you.
8. And your mom
9. Being over-prepared with clothing choices when I go on vacation.
10. Keeping shoes in a decent condition for long periods of time (I still have shoes from 7th grade).
11. Little fear of public bathrooms
12. Opening things with my teeth
13. Enjoying seeing movies (in a theatre) alone.
14. Remembering faces FOREVER. Run into you in random setting and don't know you? This explains why I'm staring at you. Sorry stranger.
15. Remembering how to spell the word vinaigrette since it was my losing word in a Jr. high spelling bee.
16. I will remember exactly how to get to somewhere if I've been there before. Don't be scared I know how to get to your house when you pointed it out that single time.
17. Making lists of more than 10 things but below 20


I think I now am contractually obligated to do the polar opposite now...

Things Ryan Lacks In Skill. Like Great Amounts Of Skill Since They Are Things Most People And Chimps Can Do...List:

1. Basketball
2. When asked what my "Strengths and weaknesses are"=mind blackout
3. Forgetting how to correctly form a speaking sentence during conversation.
4. Having "bitch-face" as my resting face--and I will NOT slap some painful smile on eternally to please you thin-skinned whiners who ask me why I'm "angry" all of the time. *throws chair through window*
5. Playing Call of Duty
6. Super Procrastination!
7. I will forget your birthday
8. I will forget your name
9. I will forget my name
10. Forever misspelling occasionally
11. When writing, putting the letters of the word in the sentence three words away in the word I'm writing.  If the sentence was "I'm going to go see a movie." I might write, "I'm going to gm." and then I writhe on the floor in shame.
12. Appreciating snow
13. Liking your ugly baby
14. Burning whatever I'm making just a little bit. This includes cereal.
15. Never being able to come up with a really good comeback until hours after the conversation had occurred.
16. Never making a To-do list.
17. Making a To-list once and losing it.
18. Having small meltdowns when I lose something completely replaceable and not really lost (e.g. wallet, phone, headphones, baby, etc.)
19. Tripping on the least trippable objects like miniscule pebbles and straw.
20. Spilling a dark sauce onto light colored clothing with no option to change for hours.

Mind distraction complete!