Friendship is Weird

Preface:  A conversation over text between my good friend and I.  He had blood poisoning which gave him high fevers, fever dreams (hallucinations), and caused the blood vessels in his eyes to burst along with him laying in bed and not shaving for several days.  We both agreed that he really was just turning into the demon we know he is.

R:  Damnit!

T: Lol What?

R:  J. Crew called...I had to turn it down

T: Damn, I'm sorry! :(

At least you don't look like this!

R: Ah! Demon! *hissss*

T:

R: I just hate you

T: I just took those for you :)

R: I know, I hate you

T: Did I get you to smile?

R: Yes, you're the worst

T: Yes, Yes I am. Will you marry me?

R: Omg, the ring better give me back problems.

T: Oh, honey! That's not the only thang. K, peaches?

R: Oh yes muffin scruffin!

T:  Eww you win. I hated that one...

R:  Bahaha, yessssss

Let's celebrate the weird bond that is friendship since some people just get you.  This summarizes mine.  Miss you friend.

We Always Have Good Intentions, Our Brains Are Just Idiots

The night: Sunday
The time: 10pm
The place: my bathroom
My sanity: gone

"Nick, I think I'm going to give myself a haircut."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"...well, I have the guards for my clippers now, so I'll be fine."

"Whatever"

*Much time buzzing and giggling like a tweenage girl when a clump of hair falls out later...*

"AH!"

"Did you mess up?"

"No! A lot just fell out, it looks...decent" as I take off the clipper guard

*Bzzzzzzzz*

Under my breath, "Shit..." as I carve stripes into my sides, "Come look at this, I need to know what the back looks like."

Enter Nick, commence staring, commence a wide smile, commence laughing

"That bad, huh?"

"Actually, the front looks fine, the back's all crooked though. Take a picture with your phone."

*Click*

"AHHH!"

"Told you, I think you're going to have to go all the way."

"No, I can fix this..."

"I don't think you can."

"Nick...I don't want to be bald..."

*5 minutes of giggling, crying and debating later*

"I'm going to do it, I'm going all the way."

*Bzzzzzz*

"AH!...I didn't realize I had so much hair.'

"It looks like a hair monster."

"You're going to wake up in the middle of the night with that in your bed."

"That's why I'm sleeping on the couch."

So...I shaved my head you guys, Britney style.  That same night, I went out and beat cars with an umbrella, it was pretty fun (10 points if you actually get that reference).

For some reason, I think it's usually a good idea to try and cut my own hair.  This has happened before but I stopped myself before things became irreversible.  This time, my crazy got the best of me.

First, let me start with the things I dislike about this:
-My head is eternally cold, I was not aware how much my hair did in terms of being a hat
-One of my friends described me as, "a bald elf...who has no friends"
-I've realized that my hairline is rather funky, but I'M NOT GOING BALD
-When I sweat, it goes straight to my eyes
-My hair can no longer cover up my blemishes
-I've become all eyebrows
-My head has become infinitely smaller, or more noticeably so
- I can no longer twiddle with my locks/grab it in frustration for shaving my head

I do have to say there are upsides though.  What? Upsides to being bald?  There can be no such thing.  Well disbelieving computer nerd, I'm going to blow your mind.  Or at least make you read something.  I really can't even force you to read it, you just can...please read it:
-I never have to do my hair
-I'm a lot cooler when it's hot outside
-I can lay down without worrying that my hair will get matted/crazy
-I don't have to do my hair
-Washing hair? So 5 days ago
-Hat all the time? Yes, please
-I think this gives me more street cred
-I can't stop feeling the fuzz on my cranium
-If anyone ever needs a good laugh, they need just to glance upon my scalp
-Did I mention how I don't have to do my hair?


See? Good things and bad things to losing all the fluff on top.  Not to mention there's really nothing I can do about it now other than get used to it and not sunburn my head.  Lord knows it hasn't ever seen the sunlight. Here's to first time baldness.

 Hi, my name's Ryan.  I'm bald...yeah that's it.

Well, I'm Not Dead Yet: Part 3

Hey Ryan, I'm getting really sick of reading your story, when are you going to write something not pre-written?

 Really?  Well that's too bad and probably not for a little while.  I'll be honest and say that currently I'm a little stressed from over-reflecting on my mind (a rather scary place similar to Mordor/Dante's Inferno/7th level of hell) so at least I'm giving you something.

 The least I can say is it proves that I'm not just wasting away on my couch watching Star Trek and spooning peanut butter from the jar.  I'm doing all that WITH my laptop typing this.  Eventually I'll go to the store as well, NOT in sweatpants.  Wow Ryan, you're setting such high goals for yourself.  I know guys, next thing you know I'll be curing cancer/saving whales/learning to longboard.

Ugh, that all made my fingers exhausted.  If only I can reach ctrl+v....

Part 3:

Chapter 7: Coming to Terms with Coming Out

            Not that my sexuality is a secret by now, but why wouldn’t I want to explain how it happened?

            Picture this, a green Subaru speeding along a freeway with two passengers.  It’s probably about 5 o’clock and the sky is slowly starting to turn orange.  One passenger is severely stressed.

            Yes, that passenger is me.  You see, a couple days prior I had agreed with my friends Sara and Austin that I’d tell my mother I was gay while we traveled to Cedar City.  The thoughts that entered my mind were something like these:

·         We’re going to crash when I tell her, she’ll swerve the car and we’re going to die

·         I think I’m going to pee my pants

·         Shit, then I’m going to be stuck in the car in awkward silence, I know it

·         I could always just open the door and roll out, that’s a better alternative

·         What if I just stayed quiet, she’ll figure it out eventually

·         We’re going to crash, I know it

·         Death, I’m dead, I’m dead.

·         She has to know, I played with My Little Pony’s

·         What’s the worst that could happen? Oh right, car crash.

·         Pull it together

Fortunately for me, I opened my big mouth and some words came out.  Namely three words that took about a half hour to say.

            “Mom…I’m gay…”

Well, I'm Not Dead Yet: Part 2

Just a quick note about my "book."  I wrote it really incoherently and acted like there were chapters before some chapters so that's why it might sound strange.*  So here we go ya'll, on to part 2.

Chapter 1: You Have to Start Somewhere

            We’d all like to say that we grew up as the kid down the street.  You know, the one who was good at sports, attractive, good in school, and volunteered at the animal shelter in their spare time.  You obviously must think that this fine description of a human being must have been me.  No?  Yeah, I don’t either. 

            Instead of Adonis child picture a gangly, lanky, glasses-wearing, recluse who was rather good at Pokémon in his basement, who also enjoyed sewing and cooking.  Now we’re getting somewhere in the ballpark.

            Try as my father did, I never excelled in sports (soccer mainly due to my Bolivian heritage) and was that nerdy quiet kid in school who the teachers loved and other kids associated with.  It definitely wasn’t much to start from, but at least it was something.

            Despite my obvious street cred, there were others who didn’t express joy in my general company which takes us to a warm spring day in 5^th grade.

            Even though I had had my best friend move at least a state away from my city consecutively for the past five years (yes, five friends moved away from me in elementary school, can you say popular?) I had started to break out my hermit-like shell and try and make a new friend.  Like me, Joe** was gangly and awkward and generally speaking, it doesn’t take much to constitute friendship for 11 year olds.  We spent many a day looking at clouds or him playing basketball while I did the best I could to fake it.  What more could I ask for?  A trust fund, but at this time I wasn’t concerned with such things.  What I got instead was the baggage that came along with my new friend. 

            Since I was now at a New Elementary school (the previous had been closed and turned into a deaf and blind school) I was easy prey for those with low self-esteem.  Joseph had been attending this school from the beginning of his education meaning he the other kids and had previous friends.  One in particular was Sam.  Maybe it was my large Harry Potter-like glasses or my obvious disinterest and lack of talent at sports that enticed him to choose me as his personal entertainment, I’ll really never know.  What I did know was that Sam did not like me and due to some cosmic joke, he and Joe were rather good friends.

            Well one day as I usually did on a lot of school days, I invited Joe over to my house to “hang-out” since cool kids “hung-out,” they didn’t “play.” 

“Hey is it all right if Sam comes with me?” He said on the phone when I called.

“Oh…yeah sure, why not?” I replied, probably some small twinge of terror/death in my voice.

How could my best friend be bringing my worst enemy to my house?  I’d just have to deal with it I figured. 

Some minutes passed as I awaited their arrival until I finally heard the doorbell ring.  I turned the door, saw both their faces, pushed the screen door open and was then suddenly pelted in the face.  I sat there confused as I saw a little piece of my paper fall to the ground and my friend and nemesis running away laughing.  “What just happened?” I thought to myself and then decided to open the paper on the ground.  In crude 11 year old writing was one word scribbled hastily:

LOSER

*To clarify: I jump around with the chapter numbers since I felt like that's where they'd be in the book if I actually wrote a book.  This is chapter 1.  I felt like it should have been first, so it is.  One thing that frustrated one reader of my story was also how it abruptly ended a lot.  Explanation for that: It's more like a preview of a book than an actual book.  I couldn't just keep writing forever people, loosen your choker necklaces.  What?  No one wears those anymore?  Oh, that was the 90's you say... *rolls into the street*

**I've changed the names from my original story just in case you might actually know these people.  I think it's a common courtesy.