"I Want To Be A Bro"

In my city, I attend a rather small gym. It has all the necessary equipment that I could want (considering I try and do pretty basic exercises) and it usually isn't very crowded.

Occasionally, a stranger will approach me and strike up some type of conversation. If they speak a little English, the conversation usually is minced words like, "strong" and "good." But most of the time these conversations are with people who speak English. Culturally, I've just had to get used to people approaching me for no reason other than to engage in conversation. That's basically a normal thing to do here. Oh, you look interesting. I'm going to come ask you questions now.

With that in mind, I met a few students who actually went to (or currently attend) school in the states, but had come home for the summer holiday. One in particular is named Ming. He's approached me many times before and he usually likes to talk about one thing: working out. I know some things about working out, but I'm definitely no source of wisdom, which means I always just nod along when he approaches. Oh, you're doing a cross-fit workout? Awesome. No, I don't eat six raw eggs a day, that's not really something for me.

Last week I found myself doing sit-ups, dangling on the apparatus by my feet and sweating, when who should approach, but Ming. Despite the fact I was mid sit-up, Ming decided that this was a perfect time for conversation,
   
"Hey Ryan, what are you doing?"

"Just doing some sit-ups." as I expelled air, moving up and down

"Cool, cool. Today is my upper body day."

"That's awesome." I said, very breathy

"Yeah, I want to be able to curl as much with my arms as most people bench press."

"Well, then your arms would be bigger than your head." I let out, sitting up for a second to catch my breath

"Ryan, do you know what they call the guys who wear tight shirts?"

"Huh?" OK, now he'd lost me

"The guys who wear backwards baseball hats, tight shirts, and are really...jacked."

"You mean a 'bro?'"

"What's a bro?"

"Those guys who wear the hats and the shirts and have lots of muscles. A bro."

"Oh...well I want to be a bro."

Oh no--what had I done. In my absence of thought, I had perpetuated an American stereotype; particularly one that I didn't like. What was I doing? I had come to this country to educate people about American culture and to teach English to the best of my ability. Now, I was introducing crappy vernacular to strangers. Failure filled my mind as I felt the Chinese/American cultural pool being tainted with my words. I had become the poison in the well. I usually joke about words like this, usually trying to use them in ironic ways, but with obvious language and cultural barriers, things had been overlooked in my speech.

With this in mind, I figured that I might as well just teach my Kindergarten class words like, "thug," "YOLO," and maybe "dawg." I was already on a downward spiral, I might as well just help the rest of the country get there too.

I sighed a little. Being a bro was something I had never aspired to, but apparently this was a Chinese university student's ultimate goal. Bro-status, I guess you could call it.

"Ryan, is there a Chinese word for this 'bro?'" Ming asked

"Mm...nah, I don't think there is. It's just kind of an...American thing I guess."

"Oh, well that's cool."

I had already taught him 'bro,' so by then I figured I might as well seal the deal.

"Yeah, now you're going to want to start wearing long socks with shorts." I said to him jokingly. If he was going to transition into bro, he should at least be thorough.

"Long socks with shorts?"

"Yeah, bro's wear long socks with shorts."

"...Why would I do that?"

Well, She Lives In The Moon...

The following are conversations I've had in my oral English classes. The class is centered around having conversations about certain topics picked every day in a group setting. My students are between the ages of 12-16 with varying levels of English speaking ability, so some concepts and ideas are lost in the translation from Chinese to English. The conversations have been slightly edited for the sake of understanding and continuity. 

Subject of Conversation: Hobbies

Ryan: So Charlotte, tell me about your hobbies.

Charlotte: I like to watch TV

Ryan: That is your only hobby? TV?

Charlotte: Yes, that is all.

Ryan: Oh...well what is your favorite TV show

Charlotte: I like... *motions two fingers towards her neck* ...Diaries.

Ryan: Vampire Diaries?

Charlotte: Yes, Vampire Diaries.

Alice: What is your favorite show?

Ryan: Me? I don't really watch a lot of TV.

Alice: What do you do?

Ryan: I like to read a lot. Actually, I don't even own a TV.

Alice: (with an incredulous look on her face) Are you poor?


Subject of Conversation: The Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival or Moon Cake Festival

Ryan: OK, Charlotte, what is your favorite holiday?

Charlotte: I like Mid-Autumn Festival.

Ryan: Tell me about the Mid-Autumn Festival.

Jack: We eat moon cakes.

Ryan: What's a moon cake?

Sherlock: Like a...small pie.

Ryan: OK, why do you celebrate Mid-Autumn festival; or, why do you do it?

Jack: We have Mid-Autumn festival because the moon give birth to the girl.

Ryan: Wait, what?

Jack: The girl, Chang'e, lives in the moon...with her rabbit.

Ryan: So why does she live in the moon?

Harriet: One day, the girl was sad so she ate a...pill.

Charlotte: --then she flew to the moon.

Ryan: So this girl flew to the moon because she ate a pill...and she lives with her rabbit?

Jack: Yes.

Harriet: One day, bad people were trying to steal the...pill.

Charlotte: And her husband wanted to live with her in the moon.

Harriet: Then they could be together forever.

Ryan: People tried to take the pill?

Harriet: Yes, and the husband did not want them to take.

Jack: So the woman ate the pill.

Harriet: And flew to the moon.

Charlotte: Now we eat moon cakes.


Subject of conversation: Hobbies

Ryan: Reya, tell me your hobbies.

Viola with a sad face. Get it? Get it? Ehhhhehe.
Puns people, puns.

Reya: (after a long awkward pause)...I don't have hobbies, I only have things I do every day.

Ryan: OK then, tell me what you do every day.

Reya: I have a piano. It lives in my room. I like to read Shakespeare.

Ryan: Very good, what else do you like to do?

Reya: I play the viola. I play the viola...with a sad face.

Ryan: OK, so you play the viola...what do you guys think of that (motioning to the rest of the class)

(The rest of the class sits in silence with scared/confused looks on their face)

Ryan: --So, Harriet! Tell me about your hobbies.