Well, at this point in my life, I decided that it seemed like a good idea to start speaking my mind, just in case anyone wants to listen. It's weird to think that I am now entering a completely different aspect of my life that will determine my destination to where I'll be in a few years. How can I choose an activity that I would enjoy doing for the rest of my life, much less able to keep me financially alive? It freaks me out a little.
So, as to avoid all that serious stuff for a little bit, I thought it would be fun to explore life and see what it has in store for me. Earlier today, I had a conversation with my friend Sierra about the life in between growing up and settling down with your career. We talked about all the things you can do and then all the things that are cut off from you once you're settled into a new lifestyle. For me, I don't think I want to have that anytime soon. It scares some to think that lots of my friends around me are changing so young and possibly missing out on experiences that they won't ever be able to have. The sheer independence that comes with living on your own is so enticing to me that I simply can't deny that I want to live that way for a small portion of my life. Now, I don't look down on the people who settle down early, if that's what they think is right for them, then I wish them happiness in all their future endeavors. For me though, I want to run headfirst into the chaos that is life. The mystery of what will happen to me, good or bad, on my own.
Unfortunately, I haven't come to that point yet. I'm currently in the limbo of living in a small dorm room and surviving my first semester of school. To some, it might seem like I'm on my own, independent, and free to do as I choose. To me, I don't feel that way at all. Adjusting to dorm life still almost feels like I'm taking a brief vacation from home to go to classes for some time, then return later. Not to mention, I'm not financially independent, which is what I feel holds me back the most to be "on my own." Now, I'm not unhappy. In fact, I'm having the time of my life. But, I know that this is a stepping stone to what I want to have. This short dorm life will help me become more independent, develop my underdeveloped social skills, and figure out how to successfully go grocery shopping without forgetting something essential. The time when I'm not tied down to a dorm and have a job of my own (while attending school), is the time when I feel I'll have reached the pivotal independence that I so crave for. All I have to do now is succeed in defeating the semester in front of me.
All in all, I want to be independent and have that stage of life where I can live the unexpected. Mostly, I just want to be able to be me, whatever that turns out to be.
