Here Comes The Bride

Just the other day I had the opportunity to attend my good friend Grace's wedding. Like most Mormon weddings, the day started out at the Salt Lake LDS temple where, in Mormon standard time fashion, I was running onto the temple grounds at precisely 11:00 (when I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be earlier or not).

With an untied bow tie flying around my neck, I ran to the exit door where all recently married couples exit and all the families get together and ogle at the new bride and groom while pictures are snapped to celebrate this happy day.  Only, I didn't see anyone that I knew at the exit.

Oh no.

In my mind, I was beginning to doubt my memory as to when I was supposed to arrive. It must have been 10 o'clock, that's why no one is here and I am a terrible friend and why couldn't someone have told me. With this in mind, I resigned myself to a bench in the shade while I finished tying my bow tie and constantly reminding myself what a terrible human being I was while I prayed that the time really was 11 and someone would show up soon. Not long after this, a few familiar faces started trickling in towards the exit door and I gave my memory a small pat on the back and happily waited until the new couple emerged.

"Grace is getting married?!"

From here, we have the usual wedding day events:

-Take pictures in front of the temple
-Mingle awkwardly while you aren't sure whether or not you need to be in any more pictures at the temple
-Oh, I need to be in this one?
-Haha. Of course not, how could I think I was supposed t--Oh I am.

Then, due to my lack of literal familiar ties with the bride or groom, I got to take a few hours off until I was to show up at the reception for, you guessed it, more pictures.

I mean, we do hire these photographers to remind of us the joyous occasion that occurred, but it makes me wonder how fickle people think their memory is. I can only imagine a conversation 60+ years down the road going something like this if there was no photographer:

Old Bride: Oh do you remember our wedding day, dear? Wasn't it glorious?

Groom: Yes, what a lovely winter morning it was.

B: No, it was in the middle of august, dear.

G: I do recall though, that I had a chill that day though and people seemed quite put out that there was snow.

B: But I recall it was so hot that Aunt Gina had heat stroke and had to be hospitalized.

G: That was your sisters birthday...or was it your cousin's quinceanera?

B: Wait...were we even married?! We have no evidence!

G: Nooooo *dramatically throws fists to the sky*

...I jest.

So of course later on, the bride calls me up and inquires as to my whereabouts since I was supposed to be at the venue at 5 (the call was placed at 4:45). So again, in good Mormon fashion, I show up slightly late with my tux askew after having a small panic attack thinking I had lost my tie and cuff-links (both of which were not far away and easily located later).

 Then, I walk quickly into the building to do my job!...which I wasn't really sure was at the time. Shortly, I found out my job was to stand in grass while I got a few pictures with the bride and then sat around while I hoped that no one could see pit stains on a tuxedo.

What happened next was basically how most wedding receptions go that I have attended in my life (which consist mainly of LDS receptions):

-You see copious amounts of people from your old high school years (if it's a friends wedding)
-You see copious amounts of people you do not know but constantly tell you that you look so dapper in your tux (Why thank you, you should thank the tiny hands that sewed it).
-You see copious amounts of people lined up to see the bride and groom who continually sneak sips of water and bread behind their backs because by now they're beginning to see stars.
-You get really anxious when the only place to sit is the chairs on a table where the guests are unrecognizable to you and you don't want to be "That guy" who walks around asking everyone, "SO HOW DO YOU KNOW THE BRIDE/GROOM?!" whilst giving them a look that says, "I might have been institutionalized in the last 12 months".
-You cling to the one person you brought for dear life so as not to look like a loser/wedding crasher.

This is at least how it goes down for me.

The night concluded with some awkward singing and a few speeches and eventually people cleared out after the bride and groom ran away probably to finally put real food in their stomachs and massage their smile muscles after hours of use.

I'm always glad to attend weddings because most people are so happy and I was especially happy to attend this one to see one of my best friends (ex-girlfriend even, HAHA) get hitched to someone that she feels comfortable enough to let her pick his scabs or whatever it is married people do.

My friend Grace is similar to me in the sense that very mundane situations can become trials of anxiety because we both often attach crazy thoughts to them. I was glad to see though that she wasn't running around her own wedding making sure everyone had food to eat or that someone hadn't died in the bathroom (who knows, maybe she did but at least she kept it discrete). I'm happy for her and was hoping that somewhere in her mind, she thought that this wedding would have been Kate Middleton approved; especially due to the fact that my niece called her a "princess."

Yes Grace, Kate and (dare I say) Pippa Middleton approved.

This is the only picture that I was able to snap or Grace at the temple. I really wouldn't have it any other way, though. Congrats friend, I love you so much and always hope for the best.

Look! It's Kate Middleton...'s biggest fan.

You've Had A Birthday...

Shout hooray!

We'd like to sing to Joey today!

My brother, slightly older than me, celebrates today as the day that he came into this world where he was welcomed by a swift slap by my older sister, Sarah.

I thought that to celebrate this, I could talk about some of our moments as siblings and you guys can sit back and enjoy the mental slideshow.

1. Going down the down stairs in multiple forms
In our early childhood going down the stairs was not only a typical activity to travel through our house, but also somewhat of an Olympic sport. One of these was continuously running up and down the stairs while we slid down on our stomachs. How we did not obtain serious rug burn, I do not know. Usually these slides were interrupted though when our belts snagged on the stairs and we would continue to roll down the stairs in slight pain. The quickest way down though, was to have your older brother donkey kick you down the stairs because you kept pestering him.

"Over there is where I hid the body."

2. One half of Penn & Teller
As kids on Sunday afternoons, we would occupy our time watching a magic show on TV where the magician would escape from various devices. If he could, why couldn't we? With this in mind, Joey and I would sit on small chairs in our sisters' closet where they then tied us up with jump ropes and any other thing that they could find. It was then up to Joey and I to weasel out way out of the binds and then somehow open the closet door (that had since been tied up with more rope). This is what we considered fun.

3. The Most Annoying Smash Brother
Super Smash Bros. is a game that holds a dear place in our hearts as brothers. Throughout our years of mastering the controls, Joey has become one of the only people that I really consider a true adversary when this game is place. Matches are never silly with us, no no; these are dead serious to-the-death matches where tempers will rise and certain words might be yelled. This game might have prevented real life physical fights, but it has also caused its share of death threats coupled with a rivalry they should sing about in songs. Curse you Fox...

4. A personal DI (or Salvation Army or donation center or whatever)
In elementary school, my brother used to hate the fact that I was taller than him because other kids loved to point this out. I just have to assume by now that he is over this because he loves to partake in going through my closet and "borrowing" anything that he thinks would look better on him. Sometimes this is great when I no longer want something or something shrinks due to my sometimes neglectful laundry skills and then sometimes it becomes one of those "brother" arguments.

5. A Personal Radio
Car rides with Joey are not quiet nor are they slow. Every song that has any lyrics that are screamed rather than sung that I know is due to this. You can always count on Joey to teach you a new rap while also getting you to a 3 hour destination in 2 and a half.

6. Taco Tuesdays
Every Tuesday for the past year, my brother and I would hit up our local Costa Vida. There, we would both order 4 pork tacos each (because even though chicken is better for you, chicken is bland). This time was an opportunity for us to catch up on the weeks activities and usually talk about all the professor shenanigans that were happening (since we have all the same professors). During these trips we would also consume almost 3/4's of a small bottle of Cholula Hot Sauce since we doused each taco until it was dripping. Sorry, Costa.

I don't think I've ever met anyone who can each as much cereal as this kid can along with being able to drink an entire Mountain Dew Bottle (the big one guys) and then hold his pee for the duration of our drive from Cedar to Salt Lake. Calculating, but somewhat impulsive, my brother usually chases down what he wants at the time because he wants it now. Now he turns one year older so go wish him a happy birthday because that's what older brothers are for: Constantly reminding them how old they're getting.

He is my favorite older brother. Shocking, I know.

Mr. SUU, king of the Cedar city cows.

What Are You Doing?

I have yet again come to that beautiful interim period of my life where I'm this weird limbo of the worlds I operate in. The world of Cedar City is distant as the semester has ended and I just feel so foreign in Salt Lake .

See, staying in Cedar for so long got me into a routine and a good one at that. Breakfast was always at the same time, as was lunch, and dinner was usually at the "normal" dinner hour. Now I find myself eating Wendy's in the middle of the night because somehow I forgot to eat for most of the day. What is happening?

Along with this, I've really tried to adjust to staying at my parents house. After living with almost no people to  having some people around, things get a little confusing. Wait, did I not just leave a cup on the counter to use again? Because it has now disappeared. Hm, what kind of food will have appeared in the fridge today...

Little things like that all over the house accompanied by my imagination (from the excessive scary movies I watch) only tell me that I'm just going to be murdered by a cup cleaning, fridge stocking, killer.

I find myself thinking over and over that I'm getting progressively lazier. Eight o'clock one morning becomes 9 o'clock the next. A banana and an apple turn into fruit snacks and fancy cakes. That book in my hand turns into a Game of Thrones marathon (which I do not regret). With myself realizing my lack of productiveness, others probably start to as well which always leads to:

So...what are you doing?

Well, I'm eating breakfast.

No, but what are you doing?

It's a question that a lot of undergraduates (or post grads) fear--especially when they don't really know. Right now, I only have to take one more class in my undergraduate program to complete the requirements for graduation...and then what? It's a question that keeps me up at night because of my indecisiveness at picking a career. Will I continue my education in graduate school (that said, if I get into my graduate program) or will I work? Will I be a bum on the street or pick career plan B? Will I even like my career?

And it starts to freak me out because I end up telling myself that I'm just going to end up with my cat in some hole in the ground while I sell pictures of my feet to get by.

I also beat myself over the fact that I had never put much thought into this when I was younger. By happenstance, I went to my old high school yesterday which has since been torn down and rebuilt into a giant, sterile, monstrosity where children go to learn. Inside the doors I still got that feeling that this was a high school where kids skip class and it has that...feeling, I guess. With all of the new windows and shiny new doors though, it was almost like my experience never existed. High school Ryan, you idiot! Why didn't you focus more on college courses in high school and plan for your future? Couldn't you have picked a hobby that was really applicable to the real world and would guarantee you a job?!

I just want to time travel back to my sophomore year and slap myself in the face. Also, tell myself that I should keep my hair short and try to eat all the food.

But I didn't because that's how life is. So here I am where I have to make real adult decisions that may or may not incredibly affect my future. At least, I think they're adult decisions (Don't you real adults get on me with what a hard decision is; I'm not there yet so keep your 36 hour deliveries to yourself).

The only good thing about this is that I have about a month before this impending shit storm lands on my house. Considering how it's not all bad and stinky though, maybe I should just call it a moderately sized hill. A lot of the times when I think I'm making a poor decision or something that could be hard and the outcome isn't beneficial, it can change my life in a good way.

Oh no Ryan! In a text format this could be interpreted as sappy with your voice cracking and a tear drifting slowly down your cheek only to rest on your chin (like in the movies!). Abort! Abort!

I'm not about to get all sappy with you guys. Mostly, I'm looking for how all you deal with stress of impending doom life decisions because I'm dealing with it by compulsively eating in bed and playing The Legend of Zelda (or maybe I'm the only person who can't deal these issues and I fail at life. Meh, yolo).

Also, I promise that I will tell you about all my oncoming life decisions soon, internet. I'm just the type of person that doesn't like to announce something until it is completely certain.

Now if you'll excuse me, there are some doughnuts calling my name.

Put On Your Big Boy Sweats

It happens to be finals week and I'm to that point where everything has become a chore. Eating, dressing, bathing, even breathing, are all things that I constantly remind myself are activities I like doing. Well, maybe not dressing. If it weren't for my own self-imposed rule that anyone who wears sweatpants outside the house is a dredge of society, then I would be wearing them 24/7. If it weren't for laws requiring people wear clothes then you guys would be seeing a whole lot more of me.

So far, my process for getting up and functioning like a normal human being includes:
1. Staying up to ungodly hours the night before
2. Convincing myself I got enough sleep
3. Turning on Britney Spears' "Piece of Me" (while I pretend I'm singing to my finals)
4. Shoving any edible thing into my mouth hole (brownies, Swedish Fish, avocados, eggs, a half eaten granola bar I found stuck to my face upon waking up)
5. Looking at the sun much the same way Gollum looks at Hobbits
6. Telling myself I have just enough time later to finish that paper I was working on (this blog is a prime example)

Lately I've been trying to blame senior-itis about my serious lack of motivation to try and get everything done.  Constantly I'm telling myself how important ___________ (insert specific project) is and then watching a documentary on cows while I spoon peanut butter into my mouth...that's just an example, definitely not something I've done...maybe.

Through all this, I've been searching for that spark that will get me interested in the learning again or if I just have to accept that this is a normal process for my mind. Could I take my laziness and blame it on the social aspect of college that surrounds me? "All these students have stopped, I might as well too," my brain quietly reassures itself. "Now, go eat more cake."

At the same time though, my mind sparks up all these crazy ideas probably through hallucinations induced by lack of sleep.  I've found myself eating an absurd amount of cheese recently and thought to myself, "Hey, someone should really do a study looking at the amount of cheese eaten, employment status, and standing in school."  At least I convince myself these are the hard hitting questions that should be answered. It's no cure for cancer, but it's something.

Part of me started looking for causes that seemed more logical. I try to limit my time on certain social networks* and read books that aren't related to any of my current curriculum.  This can lead down a non-desirable path as well since one of those books is all about sibling relationships and the many factors that affect everything in our lives concerning those relationships (The Sibling Effect by Jeffrey Kluger; it's good, really). My brain, already in lazy mode, says I can blame the order that I was born in on how I'm reacting to all my current stimuli. That's it! That one time my sister threw scissors at me destroyed any chance I have of being an NBA all-star (Because I totally could have, duh) and thus sentencing me to get an undergraduate degree like a NORMAL human being. Ugh, so rude.

Of course, as much as I'd like to blame all those things, I can't. I still don't want to wholly blame myself, but I like to think I'm smart enough to not blame trivial things.

So maybe I'm not motivated to finish reading another chapter in a textbook or looking at notes before a final, I'm still rolling out of bed to conquer some aspect of my life. It's those accomplishments--the little things, like being above the sweatpants, that keep me going.




*SUU Confessions guys. It's a thing that is sometimes wildly entertaining while other times you scratch your head while recalling that the definition of a confession isn't anonymously complaining about how loud your roommate is.