We Always Have Good Intentions, Our Brains Are Just Idiots

The night: Sunday
The time: 10pm
The place: my bathroom
My sanity: gone

"Nick, I think I'm going to give myself a haircut."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"...well, I have the guards for my clippers now, so I'll be fine."

"Whatever"

*Much time buzzing and giggling like a tweenage girl when a clump of hair falls out later...*

"AH!"

"Did you mess up?"

"No! A lot just fell out, it looks...decent" as I take off the clipper guard

*Bzzzzzzzz*

Under my breath, "Shit..." as I carve stripes into my sides, "Come look at this, I need to know what the back looks like."

Enter Nick, commence staring, commence a wide smile, commence laughing

"That bad, huh?"

"Actually, the front looks fine, the back's all crooked though. Take a picture with your phone."

*Click*

"AHHH!"

"Told you, I think you're going to have to go all the way."

"No, I can fix this..."

"I don't think you can."

"Nick...I don't want to be bald..."

*5 minutes of giggling, crying and debating later*

"I'm going to do it, I'm going all the way."

*Bzzzzzz*

"AH!...I didn't realize I had so much hair.'

"It looks like a hair monster."

"You're going to wake up in the middle of the night with that in your bed."

"That's why I'm sleeping on the couch."

So...I shaved my head you guys, Britney style.  That same night, I went out and beat cars with an umbrella, it was pretty fun (10 points if you actually get that reference).

For some reason, I think it's usually a good idea to try and cut my own hair.  This has happened before but I stopped myself before things became irreversible.  This time, my crazy got the best of me.

First, let me start with the things I dislike about this:
-My head is eternally cold, I was not aware how much my hair did in terms of being a hat
-One of my friends described me as, "a bald elf...who has no friends"
-I've realized that my hairline is rather funky, but I'M NOT GOING BALD
-When I sweat, it goes straight to my eyes
-My hair can no longer cover up my blemishes
-I've become all eyebrows
-My head has become infinitely smaller, or more noticeably so
- I can no longer twiddle with my locks/grab it in frustration for shaving my head

I do have to say there are upsides though.  What? Upsides to being bald?  There can be no such thing.  Well disbelieving computer nerd, I'm going to blow your mind.  Or at least make you read something.  I really can't even force you to read it, you just can...please read it:
-I never have to do my hair
-I'm a lot cooler when it's hot outside
-I can lay down without worrying that my hair will get matted/crazy
-I don't have to do my hair
-Washing hair? So 5 days ago
-Hat all the time? Yes, please
-I think this gives me more street cred
-I can't stop feeling the fuzz on my cranium
-If anyone ever needs a good laugh, they need just to glance upon my scalp
-Did I mention how I don't have to do my hair?


See? Good things and bad things to losing all the fluff on top.  Not to mention there's really nothing I can do about it now other than get used to it and not sunburn my head.  Lord knows it hasn't ever seen the sunlight. Here's to first time baldness.

 Hi, my name's Ryan.  I'm bald...yeah that's it.