Why I Can't Teach Forever

If you didn't know, I teach English to small children in China. Children between the ages of 3-7, to be specific. I'm going to preface this with the fact that I really do like my job, I do. Small children who babble Chinese at me are pretty cute and it's actually really enjoyable to see their progress when they start shouting English words at me for no other reason than because they can. Guys, they even like me. They genuinely enjoy interacting with me on a daily basis. It's strange. There are even those moments that make you go, "Ahhhh," like this one:

and this one:

(And yes, I am only showing you these because they're cute. Inflate my ego.)

But I've decided that I really can't do this forever. Here is my list of why I shouldn't teach English forever:

1. Sticky everything

Little children are just sticky all the time always.Whether it's snot coming out their nose, or food covering their hands, it's always there. Then they want to touch me.

2. I've thought on more than one occasion "I really wish this kid would stop hugging me..."

3. One can only sing Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star, so many times (this also includes all other nursery rhyme teaching songs).

4. I'm tall enough that a kid's fists are at crotch level. You do the math.

5. The younger kids sometimes get so upset they throw up. On me.

6. Educational videos for children are terrifying.

Whoever made those things did too many drugs while reading the dictionary.

7. I've been tempted to "Trunchbull" (from the hit comedy/drama/sci-fi thriller, Matilda) a kid out the window.

Don't worry, these feelings pass.

8. I've wanted to tell some of the parents that their kids act like little shits.

But I don't. Because some of them are. They're still cute, but I will discipline them, and they might cry.

9. Playing Head, Shoulders, Fingers, Toes, is quickening the arthritis in my knees.

10. Pee.

I do love these kids, but I've been able to cross off teaching children on my list of jobs for the future. Like my friend Tamara says, "Kids are like farts. Your own are tolerable, but other people's are unacceptable and gross."