Training Your Animals

I'm currently living with a small long-haired chihuahua that is basically a spawn of Satan.  Don't get me wrong, I love dogs and other furry creatures, but this little rat has driven me to the edge of madness.  So, of course, I'm going to compare training a dog to training your children (ie: college students), or, your "animals."

1.  Don't bark at every single thing that walks by


Dogs are great for protection sometimes, but when they verbally assault every stranger that comes within view, it gets tiring telling them to shut their mouth.  Same goes for college students.  When I get into a library to study quietly, or a classroom where listening to the teacher is key to passing the class, I'd rather not have to differentiate how hydrogen bonds and what happened in the dramatic life of the Utah valley girl over the weekend.

*All in loud whispers, those kind*
"Oh my! Did she, like, totally do that? No way!"
"Totally, and then we all went and got frozen yogurt and talked about Twilight."

I'm paraphrasing a little bit, but I'm sure you get what I mean.  I talk in class sometimes too, we all have, but when you're chatting about who "Lisa" made out with and then you ask stupid questions due to your non-functioning ear (and probably brain), you need to shut your face.

2.  Teach your "dog" not to jump on/salivate on others


Dogs sitting in my lap don't bother me, especially when they're cuter than everything ever created.  I don't even mind a dog licking me a little bit either, they love people.  Although, something licking my feet grosses me out, so smaller dogs, I'm sorry, go away.  Overall though, I'm sure there are those people out there who don't like being attacked by a strange dog, to some it might even make them cry.  The same goes for people.

Let's start with couples.  Like a dog, you don't really want to see anything cleaning itself.  Especially people...cleaning each other...with their mouths.  When PDA goes past the point of cute hand holding and hugging and goes to the next level of tongue slobbering and groping, people around you are starting to wish they had less vision in their eyes.  Let your friends know that their exchanging of DNA sickens you.  Bad dog! Leave that other dog alone!

Next, we have our overly touchy friends.  Hugs are good.  Handshakes are good.  Really long handshakes and hugs from just a friend start getting awkward.  What can make it more awkward?  When that friend starts to rub your back and/or hand.  Maybe I'm just the type of person that keeps things simple, but whenever I come away from these embraces, I always feel like I then need to be cleansed.  Get me some holy water so I can say some hail Mary's!  Bad Charlie (my imaginary dogs name), stop humping that man's leg!

3.  Roll over Charlie


When you first get a dog, usually puppies, you have to train them to be a good, decent dog that can function well in society.  If you let your dog run rampant, chase the mailman, harass the neighbors cat, and never come home when you call, it's likely they're not going to change without some kind of punishment/reinforcement.  It probably won't even call you to let you know that he's going to come home late from that party.  Oh, wait, dogs don't have thumbs and can't use telephones or speak English.

Moving on.  Too often from being in college the short time I've been here I've seen so many children crash and burn.  Without the good reinforcement/punishment, kids do whatever the hell they want and whenever they want.  You'll end with the stays-up-late-doesn't-finish-homework-parties-too-much-says-rude-things-in-public-is-a-distraction-in-class kid.  The type of kid who uses his laptop in class to watch YouTube videos and comment on Facebook status'.  They've never been punished before, and coming to college, they probably don't think that they will now.  Hopefully the real world mentality will set in eventually and they'll understand that and have sit outside since they peed on the rug.  Hey, peeing on the rug is cool for some kids.

4. Good job for ripping up the couch!
Just an afterthought that relates closely to #3.  Encouraging bad behavior in your dog is not ok.  Praising the dog for barking incessantly and for leaving feces in places where feces should not be found (ie: the bathroom rug) doesn't help anyone.  Your dog never really learns what is right and wrong and will continue to do stupid things.

Translating this to children.  Rewarding your child for being "creative" when they ruin something with paint or just say that they're "speaking their mind" when they torment another child is just plain bad parenting.  Mostly it's just the ignorant parents who think they're children are golden angel children that bother me.  Let me tell you, they're only golden when you're looking.

If there's anything else that you can think of, feel free to let me know when training a dog.  I'm a little dog hungry/dog annoyed at the moment which prompted me to write this.  Hopefully I'll be a good parent one day and my dog won't come home late at night stinking of catnip.