"I Want To Be A Bro"

In my city, I attend a rather small gym. It has all the necessary equipment that I could want (considering I try and do pretty basic exercises) and it usually isn't very crowded.

Occasionally, a stranger will approach me and strike up some type of conversation. If they speak a little English, the conversation usually is minced words like, "strong" and "good." But most of the time these conversations are with people who speak English. Culturally, I've just had to get used to people approaching me for no reason other than to engage in conversation. That's basically a normal thing to do here. Oh, you look interesting. I'm going to come ask you questions now.

With that in mind, I met a few students who actually went to (or currently attend) school in the states, but had come home for the summer holiday. One in particular is named Ming. He's approached me many times before and he usually likes to talk about one thing: working out. I know some things about working out, but I'm definitely no source of wisdom, which means I always just nod along when he approaches. Oh, you're doing a cross-fit workout? Awesome. No, I don't eat six raw eggs a day, that's not really something for me.

Last week I found myself doing sit-ups, dangling on the apparatus by my feet and sweating, when who should approach, but Ming. Despite the fact I was mid sit-up, Ming decided that this was a perfect time for conversation,
   
"Hey Ryan, what are you doing?"

"Just doing some sit-ups." as I expelled air, moving up and down

"Cool, cool. Today is my upper body day."

"That's awesome." I said, very breathy

"Yeah, I want to be able to curl as much with my arms as most people bench press."

"Well, then your arms would be bigger than your head." I let out, sitting up for a second to catch my breath

"Ryan, do you know what they call the guys who wear tight shirts?"

"Huh?" OK, now he'd lost me

"The guys who wear backwards baseball hats, tight shirts, and are really...jacked."

"You mean a 'bro?'"

"What's a bro?"

"Those guys who wear the hats and the shirts and have lots of muscles. A bro."

"Oh...well I want to be a bro."

Oh no--what had I done. In my absence of thought, I had perpetuated an American stereotype; particularly one that I didn't like. What was I doing? I had come to this country to educate people about American culture and to teach English to the best of my ability. Now, I was introducing crappy vernacular to strangers. Failure filled my mind as I felt the Chinese/American cultural pool being tainted with my words. I had become the poison in the well. I usually joke about words like this, usually trying to use them in ironic ways, but with obvious language and cultural barriers, things had been overlooked in my speech.

With this in mind, I figured that I might as well just teach my Kindergarten class words like, "thug," "YOLO," and maybe "dawg." I was already on a downward spiral, I might as well just help the rest of the country get there too.

I sighed a little. Being a bro was something I had never aspired to, but apparently this was a Chinese university student's ultimate goal. Bro-status, I guess you could call it.

"Ryan, is there a Chinese word for this 'bro?'" Ming asked

"Mm...nah, I don't think there is. It's just kind of an...American thing I guess."

"Oh, well that's cool."

I had already taught him 'bro,' so by then I figured I might as well seal the deal.

"Yeah, now you're going to want to start wearing long socks with shorts." I said to him jokingly. If he was going to transition into bro, he should at least be thorough.

"Long socks with shorts?"

"Yeah, bro's wear long socks with shorts."

"...Why would I do that?"