Makes you wanna hug me, huh?
Anyways, I wanted to talk about my quasi-job since explaining it in public gets tiring. I want this to be a kind of PSA, or a Sesame Street episode where we count to 20 and Elmo shows up and says something in-decipherable and any and all knowledge to be learned is absorbed through your subconscious. Then we can eat rolled up cold cuts and cheese cubes! Damn, I miss childhood sometimes.
Some of you might be wondering to yourselves, "Wait, you actually leave your basement sometimes?" Yes, yes I do. Despite the melanoma, poisonous insects, and deadly animals, I venture out of my sanctuary sometimes to do some work. "What kind of work is this?" Well, I'm usually naked. "PROSTITUTE!" No, internet, calm down. "PORN STAR!" Eh, I guess you're getting a little close, but I'll just explain.
I sit for the art department at my university. While they paint,draw, etc. my body. Sometimes I'm naked.
"EW! How could you even do something so degrading to yourself and to OTHERS! They have to look at your...your stuff!" My penis? Well yes, they do, it usually goes something like this:
So that's basically what a lot of people think happens when a person takes off their clothes in a public setting. In all reality, it usually goes something like this:
(Please excuse the poor use of paint, I realize it looks like I'm dancing. Or that people are casing spells. THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. Whatever.)
As you can see from my beautiful masterpiece, no one is crying in terror, vomiting profusely, or even for that matter, being offended. You see, when you put yourself in the position of being a nude model for artists, everyone acts professionally. This isn't the third grade where people are giggling at the thought of being naked and this isn't the 10th grade where some people consider this pornography. It's just art.
What I always found weird about this was how I feel sometimes the artist forgets you're a person. Not that they forget you're there or can physically act in any way, but they treat you like something to make into art. For one minute, they'll be talking about the shadows crossing your back like you're not even in the room, the next they'll be asking you what your major is (when you're taking a break of course).
"But Ryan, isn't that awkward to be naked in a room full of people?"
Well, valid question internet person since I think that's really what people worry about. People are looking at you naked. NAKED. Usually that's reserved for you and your MIRROR you perv. Jk, looking at yourself in the mirror isn't pervy, talking to yourself in the mirror is.
But yeah, a lot of people have seen my junk out and about but it's not like they're constantly staring at it. The real purpose of these classes is to study the human figure, not to get some kind of kick at looking at people's gnads; and just let me say, these guys make me look way better in drawn form than I do in real life. They're able to pick out angles I've never seen before and use colors to make shadows even more interesting. What can I do? Well I can make a pretty mean pancake in the morning if that interests you. No? Well marry an artist then, see if I care...please come back.
I guess that going into this, there is some level of confidence you must have with your body and some notions that you have to leave at the door. I think they basically go hand in hand though. Realize that, whatever you think of your body, these guys are going to make it something of their own and disregard your image issues. What you see and what they see are completely different things. Trust me.
I actually had another friend do modeling at another university in the state and she wrote a very eloquent paper on the subject. With her permission, I took a snippet of it to better illustrate my examples:
Personally, I found nudity as a means to relate some wonderful, horrible, emotional, uplifting, heart-wrenching, and ultimately THOUGHT-- PROVOKING themes from the artist to the viewer. Of course, some nudity can be shocking and I don’t suggest we shove it in the face of children. But imagine when we develop our children’s taste for the human form in an aesthetic, academic, philosophical, and/or natural way. Imagine when we study classic or modern art to begin a commentary on nudity, its representations both good and bad, the power it invokes in an audience, and its ability to translate the major themes of life.-Laura Taylor
The major themes of life. Because there is something about a naked human form that can display emotions in such a different way than what we usually see. Nudity does not equal sex.
So next time you think that nude art is disgusting, please, give yourself a little slap in the face and remind yourself that not all nude art is pornography. We don't have to giggle about it, or shun it from society deeming it "disgusting" in nature. Or next time you see your friend who poses for nude art, don't ask them if it's awkward. Why would they do it if it was that bad? Are they being paid millions? Millions of chicken nuggets (because then I might just do it 24/7)? Usually not. Like me, I bet they kind of forget that they're naked in the first place. Until a cold breeze comes in.
But, if you guys get the idea that traipsing around campus al natural is ok, please realize not everyone will immediately sit down, pull out a canvas, and start painting you. You'll probably get tazed. By me.
Sidenote: To illustrate (literally) how great these people can manipulate a drawing tool, I'll slip one of the portraits of me in here. Don't worry, it's clothed, you guys don't get to see my goodies. I only do that when people pay me and paint me...SIMULTANEOUSLY. *phew* Almost opened up a discussion if I did porn or not.
Spoiler: I don't.
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| Ooo, look at how my tank top is seductively falling off. *Scandalous* |
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