I Now Pronounce You...

I happen to keep finding myself at wedding receptions recently.

That or receiving invitations, checking my schedule, seeing that it's full of watching Top Model and sleeping in gutters for the next year and I decide I can't go.  I don't know, they're the same to me.

I took pictures of myself just
to see how I'd look for my wedding.
Shmexy.

But to the receptions that I HAVE been to, there is some magic in the air.

No, I'm not talking about drugs.  No, not talking about all the lovey dovey-ness that is floating around at these shindigs.  What I am referring to is the strange phenomenon that I will dub:

THE MAKE OUT VIRUS

Now despite what you may think, this does not cause the victim to spontaneous start mackin' on everyone around them, it instead causes a state of deliriousness where the victim believes they want a significant other. That they can mack on.  And snack on.  And whatever else you do to people you date. How should I know, I have a cat.

But anyways, some strange feeling seems to come upon people and they feel the need to be kissed or kiss.  I came to the conclusion that it was simply the environment.  A person is being surrounded in a celebration of commitment and they go, "Hey, I think I want in on some of this action, bleeegghhhh." *SMACK* (that's the person going open mouthed toward any other person at the wedding and getting slapped like a ho behind on payments).

I'll admit, I've even slightly had a small outbreak of this.  Then I broke out in hives and realized I'm allergic to feelings.

Even my weird heart has felt some of these which I found weird.  See, I'm not the most commitment oriented person when it comes to...well, commitment.  I'm usually single because I choose to be since most of the time I think relationships are confusing, weird, hard, and scary.*  So then I take this thinking and apply it to everyone else.  I look at those people who are getting married all around me and think to myself, "AH, THEY'RE NOT READY, WHHHHYYYYY?!"  or "How can they think they can get married when they don't even know each other?  They're going to be unhappy really quick." or "They're just getting married to have sex."

As you can see, I'm a little pessimistic on the subject so far since a majority of the time I think people are getting married for the wrong reasons.  But then, I go to receptions and my mind gets all googly and I break out in hives and stab myself with an epi-pen repeatedly.

I walk upon two people who I deem worthy to call themselves "Married."  But why are they different from the other Joes and Nancys?  Somewhere in my mind I tell myself that these two are smart enough to know what they're getting into and the cynical little man in my head that thinks relationships are poo gets tied up and thrown into a cellar somewhere.  Then the rats chew on him until I leave the festivus of love.

I guess that I'm worried about people sometimes or what type of relationship will stem from being unprepared.

Homegirl was ready for this wedding. This is
for a specific fanatic (you know who you are).

So, by no means am I against marriage, I think it's pretty dandy under the right circumstances.  One day, I'll probably even head down that road of sharing a place of residence and dealing with smelly feet (you all know that's a concern, don't lie).  For some people, I don't think it's their time yet but who am I to judge when I don't know everyone terribly well.  Hell, I don't even know myself that well. Hence, still single.

But please, keep inviting me to these things.  I can't get enough of this free food.  Or stealing some of your wedding cake when you aren't looking.



*Can someone say commitment issues?  Well hopefully you can, you just read it.  Just sound it out.  There you go, I'm proud of you.  Now shutup.  Just shut your cake filled mouth.