¡Que Sopresa!

Oh hey guys, guess what?

I'M BACK IN THE 'MERICA.

Yes, I have returned a tad earlier than I had previously anticipated. Well, that's a lie. It's really earlier than some of you had anticipated because I've been planning this for month. Months.

See, I decided when I bought my plane ticket home that I would give some people some big surprises because who doesn't love a surprise? Me, I don't. Well, they're fun and I can enjoy them, but I like giving them more! The joy, the tears, that small moment when you believe you might have given someone a heart attack, to that longer, more disappointing moment when you realize that they're not going down. Who doesn't love PLAYING WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES?

So now that I'm back, I'm going to answer all those questions that you totally want to ask me (Yes, I'm making the assumption that someone would ask these questions. I reserve the right to make up hypothetical situations in my mind that I believe could happen in real life).

Here we go:

1. Holy guacamole, you must be tired. Plane flight; how long?

Well, including layovers, 32 hours. Total flight time: about 18.

2. Oh my gosh, did the man next to you on the plane invade your space!?

How did you know?! He breached the unwritten rule of, "This is my armrest and that is your armrest." I might have noticeably pushed his arm a few hundred times during the 13 hours.

3. Isn't The 'Merica just so great?

Yeah, and quiet. Where are all the people?

4. These are all the people.

Really?

5. Really.

Oh.

6. Welcome back to the land of preservatives!

Thank you, glad to be back. But isn't Oreo a preservative? Because I'm pretty sure I ate enough of those paired with McDonald's to preserve my body for the next millennium (But wouldn't that seriously be cool if my body was so well preserved from the chemicals in the food that I ate that future archaeologists just found me perfectly preserved, skin and all, eating a doughnut off the ground or something? This is assuming we have a sudden disaster that kills everyone. Like Vesuvius, but much less...ashy.)

7. What do you miss?

Dodging cars in traffic BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE. But seriously, I miss some foods (Cheap noodles everywhere!), cheap public transportation, and other things that I'm sure I'll be aware of the more time that I'm back.

8. So you totally speak Chinese now, right?

Wo jiao Ryan. Wo xi huan noodles. Wo bu hui shuo hao zhongyue ...ni shi xigua.

9. What it's like being  back in the 'Merica?

You've been here for awhile, so it must be pretty OK.

Glad to be back y'all.