Awkward Wednesdays #1: Car Ride

You know, I've been thinking about life and realize I'm a terribly awkward person.  You know what else?  The rest of the world is too.  Sometimes we all just have "those moments" where we fall off a stage face first, or accidentally grab a stranger's ass thinking it was your boyfriend's/girlfriend's (Just examples you guys...maybe)

When we look back, we shudder, cringe, vomit, and shake uncontrollably, then think to ourselves, "Really, how did I do that...really, come on."  Yet there's nothing we can do.  Things happen and we eat cake.  Or keep living or whatever.

So I decided that to live with these, I'm going to share an awkward story every Wednesday. Or at least on Wednesdays.  It's the only kind of alliteration I could come up with.  Awkward.  Wednesday.  You get the point.  Then we can all revel in the awkwardness together.

Here we go:

Work it girl.  So confident

One morning in 7th grade, I woke up and did what I had always done as a 7th grader.  Showered, picked out my outfit complete with my Harry Potter-esque glasses (picture two large, see-through saucers sitting on my face, I think that fits.), ate my breakfast of wheat toast, and began walking to school.

You see, my Jr. High was approximately three blocks from my home so I never saw the need to obtain a ride from anyone.  Look at little Ryan go, all independent like a young Eminem without the rapping.

Off I went, out the back door, backpack strapped tight, pants too short thanks to my gangly legs, and down the street.

After passing two houses, I rounded the corner and abruptly stopped.

*Honk honk!*

"What?  Who is honking at me? " I thought to myself

I stood on the corner and turned around only to see one of my neighbors stopped near the sidewalk one house away.  They honked again and I looked again.  Standing there looking like a stretched out version of Dobby, I slowly walked toward the car.  What was going on?  I knew exactly who these people were but I had no need for a ride and wasn't even particularly late.  Wait, maybe I was late.  Crap.

*Honk*

I turned around and walked toward the car, opened the door, and plopped myself into the back seat.

"Oh...Hi Ryan." said the mom in the drivers seat.

I smiled politely and sat there.  I mean, they're the ones who honked at me to get in the car, why were they all staring at me?

Not soon after, another passenger entered the vehicle and we were our way.  Something was seriously off about this trip though as we all sat in silence the whole time.

We quickly got to school and I was early.  Hm, I guess I wasn't late at all.  Since I was 15 minutes early, none of my friend were around since mostly everyone showed up 5 minutes early or 5 minutes late.  Mormon standard time at its finest.

I did what any socially inept child would do when they show up to a desolate school.  Walk to your locker, go get a drink, go to the bathroom, check your locker again, swing by the drinking fountain again; nope, just janitors still.  Oh look, your Spanish teacher has arrived in biker shorts...yeah go check your locker again, look away, look away--dear lord, make it stop.

Eventually the kids started filtering in and I found my friends and then proceeded to my first class.

I thought to myself how weird it was that I had been offered a ride when it was so unnecessary, I hate being early to school...wait...

The honking, the waiting, the honking in front of a house, the next passenger, the stares, and the silence...

Why Ryan...why?

I had walked up to a car, opened the door, and sat down.  I had done so when they were honking for someone to come out of a house.  Not at me down the street.  I had hopped in a car like some hobo with a crazed smile and something odd still on their breath.  They had stared like I was a hobo with a gland problem and no pants.  No invitation.  Shit...

Shame.  Little Harry Potter felt an immense of shame in his first class; like a whale trainer getting eaten by Shamoo, he felt shame.  Great, now I'm going to bite someone and they'll drown.  That's how this works, right?

So, gangly McSkinnylegs had to sit the rest of the day stewing in a pile of chewed up whale trainer...

You can thank me for my terrible metaphors later.